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letter, 4/19/95

The depression is so fucking bad I can’t work. I’m applying for disability, but that may take months. I’m losing this place, & where I’m going is anyone’s guess. I have a shrink appt on Tuesday, but how I’m going to pay for the medication is beyond me. It hardly seems worth it. I know I have things to accomplish; my soul knows it. But the doors of possibility are slamming closed one after another, & I’m not sure I can hang on much longer.


your soul knows it. hang on.
they say that a soul not at rest after
death will travel the earth through

all eternity, searching for peace
but never finding it. you want
your peace. i know it. this is

not the way. you have so many
things to accomplish. that
book, that lover. christ, that

extra six-pack stuck in the back
of the fridge. just find something,
anything, fix on that, and let that

take you to the next day. do that
for long enough and maybe you’ll
find that peace you’re looking for.

but don’t stop searching. things
have to fall into place first.
they have to. they have to.


Copyright Janet Kuypers.
All rights reserved. No material
may be reprinted without express permission.

video Listen mp3 file (1:43, 07/03/11)
Or watch the
YouTube video
video (Published in her book Close Cover Before Striking) 07/05/11 at the Café
video videonot yet rated
See feature-length YouTube
video 07/05/11 of Janet Kuypers performing her poetry @ Chicago’s the Café
video videonot yet rated
Watch this YouTube video
of the intro to the 07/05/11 open mic at the Café in Chicago, with poems and her Close Cover Before Striking poems


the book Close Cover Before Striking