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use what you had

1997

i’ve never had regrets
but i keep wondering
why i gave up what i had
for you, to be with you

if all you were going to do
was fuck me over
and then put me out on
the line to dry

i keep thinking of all the
hell i went through
with the last guy, but at
least he wanted me,

at least he had a big dick
and could get me off
(i’ve wanted to tell you
you had a small cock,

and you didn’t even know how
to use what you had, but then
again, you’ve never been in a
relationship for more than two

months, how could you ever
learn how to satisfy a woman,
you cock-sucker?) and although
my past relationship was still

dysfunctional at least he
wanted to make that commitment
with me, and i threw that
away so that i could go

on this stupid roller-
coaster with you, the man who
offered me in some ways no
more than and in some ways even

less than my ex, so that you
could then after all this crap
throw me away like i am some
sort of piece of trash that was

a little too big for the garbage
disposal but needed to be removed
nonetheless. oh, and i just
keep thinking that it’s so ironic

that i was looking for something
more and all i could get was a
bunch of nothing and i hate you
but at least i know now that

you have a really small cock, and
that you don’t even know how to
use it, and that you have to live with
that. that you’re stuck with that.

use what you had

2/24/12 edit

i’ve never had regrets
but i keep wondering
why i gave up what i had
for you, to be with you

if all you were going to do
was fuck me over
and then put me out on
the line to dry

i keep thinking of all the
hell i went through
with the last guy, but at
least he wanted me,

and you didn’t even know how
to use what you had, but then
again, you’ve never been in a
relationship for more than two
months, how could you ever
learn how to satisfy someone

and although my past
relationship was still

dysfunctional at least he
wanted to make that commitment
with me, and i threw that away

so that i could go
on this stupid roller-
coaster with you, the one who
offered me in some ways no more
than and in some ways even less

than my ex, so that you
could then after all this crap
throw me away like i am some
sort of piece of trash that was

a little too big
for the garbage disposal
but needed to be removed
nonetheless.

oh, and i just keep thinking
that it’s so ironic

that i was looking
for something more
and all i could get was a
bunch of nothing
and i hate you for never learning
how to use what you had.

without me, you’s stuck with
more nothing,
and you have to live with that.



Copyright 1997-2012 Janet Kuypers
All rights reserved. No material
may be reprinted without express permission.

Blister and Burn, Janet Kuypers 2007 book