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It Hurts in the Bones

Janet Kuypers, 9/5/06 *#035;2

“I didn’t realize
how much pain she was in

she got out of the house one day
and I did gardening for her,
she told me what weeds needed to be pulled
as she sat in the chair
in front of the house

she’d try to pull a weed up
if it was right by her chair

but she did that sparingly
and when I saw her,
I’d say,
mom, tell me what to do
and I’ll do it

she needed to go inside again
after a short while
and I think that was the most movement
she did for the rest of her life

I’d try to get her out of the house
you know, just to walk
maybe to the next house and back
and she’d always say no

and she looked like her neck hurt,
her back hurt
so I’d ask if if I could rub her neck or back

and she’d say no,

then she’d say
that wouldn’t help

and then she’d say
it hurts down in the bones

and we read this is one of the stages
of this disease

and I don’t know what it feels like
to hurt in your bones
something deeper than deep muscle pain
I
I can’t imagine it
I can’t imagine what it feels like

I think my mom
wouldn’t let on
about how much pain she was in

When the doctors told mom
she had six months to a year with this disease
my sister said to mom,
your father
(our grandfather)
had cancer
and the doctors said he had
six months to live.
how long did he live?
and mom replied,
six years.
so she tried to tell her
that we Bakutis are strong folk
and she can be okay if she fights

but I think mom was in so much pain
that she made a decision tight then and there
that she didn’t want that pain
deep down in her bones any more
and decided to let her enemy win.

we keep saying to people that it’s better
that she’s not suffering any more

emotionally, for us, we wish she was here

but we don’t want her to feel that pain anymore
and we keep telling everyone
that this is for the best.”


Copyright © 2006 Janet Kuypers.

U.S. Government Copyright © 2004
Chicago Poet Janet Kuypers
on all art and all writings on this site completed
before 6/6/04. All rights reserved. No material
may be reprinted without express permission.


the book The Beauty and the Destruction the book Distinguished Writings the cc&d v170.5 issue release of Kuypers' writings in the 2006 book  Distinguished Writings

my hand to an anim of jkchair