[the Writing of Kuypers]
walked with you in an ALS rally
saw you a few times
you looked fine
I couldn’t see anything wrong with you
*
finally, I would call you
and I invited you to visit me
and you would say, why
I didn’t want this to happen to you,
your family watch lupis take a loved one
your mind is just fine
it’s just that your nervous system
and your crystal clear, sharp mind
I know this is rare
and watching you go through this
as you live through your days now
like the flapping of hummingbird wings
I know I’m not the one suffering
*
I know I’ve lived through hell
just to watch this happen to you
*
went to a funeral today
wheelchair bound, slurred speech
but still smiling when you saw me
with you, who could barely speak
your friend held your cigarette outside with you
so you could inhale, then he pulled it away
*
I couldn’t stay at the funeral too long
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[JanetKuypers.com][Bio][Poems][Prose]
Loss
Janet Kuypers
03/16/10
after I had locked my keys in my car
after they told me you were sick
you looked good
ask if you could still drive a car
so we could spend some time together
so I’d have a new tv to watch for a while
I swear
and now ALS consumes you
that’s what the doctors tell me
is breaking you down cellularly
has to stand by and watch yourself fall apart
but it’s progressive, degenerative, fatal
increasing and spreading muscular weakness
I imagine hearing your heartbeat
under water
but I am
but it’s not fair that I survived
and saw you there
thin as a rail
and I had to smile and small talk with you
and I had to act like everything was okay
put the cigarette to your lips
to wait for your next breath
today I had seen too much death
Copyright © 2010 Janet Kuypers.
may be reprinted without express permission.
